Random Thoughts of Mandy

Friday, November 30, 2007

Things You Think, But Really Aren't

So I moved into an apartment, finally, out of my mom's house and I have a roommate.

My roommate has a truly screwed up system of how he decides to call people, "friend."

He has one best friend. Fine. That makes sense. However, everyone else is not a FRIEND, but either an acquaintance or a "close acquaintance." I fall into the "close acquaintance" category. This is the most retarted bullshit I've ever heard!! Now granted, during my depression kick, he was very caring and said, "I just want my roommate to be happy." Very nice and sweet, and all.

However, I'm just ready to disappear for a day. I just want the world to worry about me for once. Yes, it sounds extremely selfish. Maybe even childish. However, I want to disappear and want no one to find me for a day. I have decided though that I'm going to put up my wall and separate myself from my roommate. I'm going to strictly be a roommate and nothing more. I don't want to chat to him about his life to me, because that's what FRIENDS do and I'm just not a friend. I'm a "close acquaintance." I need a wall built so I stop hurting myself. I thought that my roommate and I could hang out and do stuff together. Although we do, I'm not an intregal part of anyone's life and it sucks!! I just wanted someone to pal around with. Whatever. It ain't happening and the wall is going UP!!

Dorky people piss me off. Little things are setting me off here and there tonight. One of my friends who comes into work got pissed off at me because she's a miserable person when it comes to the holidays and she says that when it comes to Christmas, she considers herself Jewish. She's not Jewish, what she's stating is that she doesn't celebrate Christmas. She said she doesn't celebrate Hannukah either. I told her that I didn't care if she celebrated Kwanzaa, she didn't have to be miserable. She said that I said that because she was black. She said she was joking and I think she was. However, that's not a funny comment to make and she pissed me off. She didn't piss me off because of the comment, it's because she went on and on and on and didn't shut her mouth. She came back in to talk about it, but she wouldn't listen to me finish so she left. Whatever. I don't have time for that crap.

Roommates and retarted customers. Whatever. Adios, world.

Posted at 12:56 am by MandyParsons
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A Million Years Later...

And I'm back in the game.

The same game, of writing and broadcasting my feelings for the world to know and share. I don't feel wrong sharing my feelings with the world. The world doesn't know me and if my friends are reading this, well more power to you. You'll just know me better!

So, let's fast forward about a year from my last blog. I *think* almost two years. I'm most definitely not the person that I used to be. I finally made assistant store manager at Starbucks and I'm just waiting to move on and be a manager which should happen any day now. I'm also finally using my degree at the radio station next door to my Starbucks which worked out conveniently. I'm doing voice overs now which is REALLY cool. I'm definitely blessed.

For reasons which I cannot understand, for the last two days I was miserably depressed. So unhappy and riddled with anxiety that I was having chest pains. At midnight last night, everything just mysteriously disappeared. I can't explain it other than to say that I had prayed heavily for everything to stop and it just... did. I hope that it doesn't happen again. Although I never thought that depression was a joke, it gave me a much more realistic view of not being able to get out of bed because I didn't want to face the world. Of course I *did* face the world, but I surely didn't want to. I would count the hours at work saying, "please, just help me get through. Please just let this night pass quickly." And of all the nights that I wanted to get out of there quickly, wouldn't you know we ended up staying until 1:00 because they turned off our water in the middle of us trying to close the store down!! It took them a long time to finally turn it back on. However, we got everything done and in the process we ended up leaving at 1:00 am. Ewwwww.

I'm going to write my next thought in a different blog. Adios, amigos.

Posted at 12:46 am by MandyParsons
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Saturday, December 30, 2006

Here Comes the New Year...

This is a big time. A brand new year. I haven't written in my journal for awhile and so it is time...now.

I'm in a rough position.

I'm crazy about this amazing guy. We were in love once upon a time, but youth and time tore us apart. In a 12 year period, we have "found" each other three times everytime that we lost touch. This very last time, we've managed to remain in touch. However, I don't know if these new feelings are ones that are new, or ones that have remained. I am certain these can't be the same feelings that a 14 year old girl once felt. There has been too much to change me, to make me who I am now. There is no possible way that these feelings could have lingered for this long.

However, I'm no expert. How am I to know? Who REALLY knows about love? No one. No one is an expert.

So, my mind is on HIM right now and how in the world we could possibly be together. There is a huge obstacle standing in my way. He's... well, he's married.

I would never try to be a marriage breaker-upper. And I'm not! I maintain that I'm not. But I don't know the exact state his marriage is in. From what I understand, it's not doing very well. But I'm not going to get involved. I just want to be a listening ear if he needs one.

Ugh. I need some resolution to this. I'm just biding my time and playing this one out.

Currently listening to:
Angels
By Robbie Williams

Posted at 07:04 pm by MandyParsons
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