All it takes is one stupid ass guy and my mother's dual personality comes out.

There are all kinds of moments in the past in my life where I remember that she has wronged me. I've been treated like garbage, I've been yelled at and called names and I hate her. I hate her with an intensity so vibrant! And I realize that it doesn't hurt her any, but at the same time there is the reverse that if you hate someone with a passion, you have to care about them to be able to hate them.

So she has this boyfriend that she's been seeing since March. He's over here all the time, he never leaves. He has his own house. Now granted his ex-wife jacked up all of the stuff and there is nothing there. However, he is here ALL the time. He has invaded every portion of everyone's life who comes into this house. Again, granted it's my mother's house. But she doesn't care an iota for anyone who lives here. All I asked was that she respect me and treat me like I matter, but she never managed to do that either.

They had their computers in the kitchen and would sit at the kitchen table and be on their little laptops together. Fine, I didn't care. We hardly ate dinner together there as a family, anyway, so the table needed to be used for something.

But now, my mother is making all kinds of accomodations for him, like moving my old desk upstairs so that he can have one in her office and she can be in there, too. This happens to be the room right across the hall from my room. What makes me mad is that she has a computer in there that she never uses. It's a PC. She used to yell at us all the time if we touched her freakin computer, the one that she never uses. Her boyfriend gave me a laptop because he couldn't fix my PC. I am very appreciative of the laptop because I always wanted one. However, she used to bitch about how she didn't like mine and then he gave HER one, too. He gave ME one because I didn't have a computer. She already HAS a computer. It pisses me off!

Once upon a time, my mom's computer used to be downstairs with mine. I was sitting behind her facing one wall and she was facing the other. If I even made one little IM sound, she got so pissed off at me to the point where she stuck me in the basement (the room right next to it separated by a door) in a little corner in between the freezer and the wall. Then she would shut the door. :( But now, she can't get enough of this guy. He can be anywhere he wants to be.

Another thing I hate about her is that the other day she was crying about her fucking finances (she lost her job). But that doesn't stop her from going out all the time, wasting gas all the time, buying watches off of ebay all the time. But she can bitch at me about wasting her money, living here (because I can't afford to live anywhere else.) And she accomodates him but he doesn't help her with any of the fucking bills. All I do is live here and sleep here. I even buy my own food!

I guess the biggest problem is that they are moving their stuff in the room right across the hall from me and I have no place to really call my own. They invade every part of my life and I can't stand it. Everywhere I turn I can't get away from them. She just doesn't give a damn about me, as long as she can fill her selfish, self-centered, cynical ways. I'm so tired of her.

And to top it off, we were at work tonight and some idiot kids decided it would be cool to carve their name and initials into one of our tables. This is after the kids who carved their names into the pole in our lobby. We had to call a facilities person out to repaint the pole in the lobby. I don't know what we're going to do about the table. We'll probably have to get it replaced. What's the point of random acts of vandalism? There is no point to it.

Stupid people piss me off.

Well, for starters, my manager has left. He went to take a store at another mall. It's not even a store, actually. It's a kiosk. Bless his heart! Those kiosks suck. I hope he lives up to the great challenges that are set before him and can win those folks over. I get to work with him next week, that's a plus!

Secondly, a new manager has come in. I don't know what to think of her. All I know is that she treats me like an ASM. I have the title, but I want the pay that goes along with it.

Because I was promoted to assistant store manager back in June while Tim was still in the store, I didn't think it was right for the new manager to inherit my situation of waiting for a store to go do my ASM training. While she is extremely compliant on this fact and truly will help if necessary, she's going to have enough stuff to deal with learning her way around our store and accomodating herself and familiarizing herself with our store. I don't want to burden her with my job position.

So, I contacted my district manager and told him all of that. He told me he actually wanted to talk to me about that; that there was a store where the manager was going on maternity leave and they needed an ASM or a manager to fill in for 6-8 weeks. He didn't know where the store was, but would let me know. Was I interested?

He called me later and told me and asked if I wanted to think about it or did I want him to put my name in. Well of course I just told him to put my name in! They do about the same amount of business a week that my current store does. I would be paid either as an ASM or an SM. So I'm just waiting to hear about that.

Now as for the love life, it seems to me that things are heating up between my married guy and I. However, I do not feel he's going to be with her much longer. Not much longer at all. Patience sucks. I'll just wait until he tells me not to.

Dear Love,

I never got over you. When you told me that you didn't love me anymore, I never let go. Love, I don't believe that we were meant to be apart.

Maybe my love over the years drifted and seemed to go away, but after time, the old feelings started creating themselves again. The roads that once separated us brought us together again and refused to let us go. I believe in you, Love.

Love, you are captured in a moment that you need to get out of. You need to set yourself free and just fly. Fly into my arms, Love. The arms that are patiently waiting for you, who cares for you, who is here for you and longs to be with you, Love.

I appreciate your beauty. I appreciate who you are. Everything about you is joy to me and I know when I have you by my side, I will feel like the missing piece is there. It will be like I was once incomplete and all of a sudden I am complete. There is no reason I should be feeling this way, it's been so long.

I don't know what more to say, Love. Patience is hard. I'll just wait here for you until you give me a reason not to.

I love you, Love. I'm waiting for you.